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Sell/Trade/Destroy the Harbinger of Ill Fortune (Up North)
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My “car” is moments away from the sweet release of death and I am seeking an alternate form of transportation before it blows up and takes me with it. (I have received every dark omen possible warning me of our fate.)
I bought from a guy who told me it “runs great.” I can assure you this thing has never in its life "run great.” Never. It feeds on misery and indifference. I have to summon ancient deities just to crank the ignition. It runs, sure –– but at a cost to my personal and spiritual well-being.
And as I was festering in pot-hole purgatory (traffic), listening to my radio's static remix of Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit (great song), I thought to myself: What the hell am I doing? I saw a guy breeze past me on a Surly Skid Loader ebike and I had an epiphany. If I’m forced to participate in the endless rat race, I might as well make the hamster wheel fun.
I’m tired of paying to park this piece of shit. I’m tired of cars in general. I need something reliable that’ll bring peace and joy back into my life. Something that won’t whine and bitch every time I turn a corner. Something that won't cost me an arm and a kidney when I need to do some basic fucking maintenance.
The time has come for me to trade four wheels for two. Anyone got a Surly Skid Loader they want to sell me? I’ll wine and dine you. No lowballs, promise.