hello, lawnmower thief.
i suppose my lawnmower was an easy target. i did leave it in my lawn after i finished mowing on tuesday. i was quite tired after doing both my huge backyard and my front yard, and i didn't feel like dragging the thing up the stairs and through the house again [more on this later..]
you see, lawnmower thief, i only moved to the fine city of crystal seven months ago. before that i lived very near my parents and thus was not responsible for lawn/driveway/house maintenence. this was my first time mowing a lawn, and i mowed a lot. it was hot out, and i'm a small girl, and i couldn't muster the last bit of energy to put the lawmower inside.
and on wednesday, when i realized i had forgotten the small sliver of land on the other side of the driveway, i decided to leave the mower out as a reminder to do it later that day.
however when romantic troubles arose in the late afternoon, my thoughts of lawnmowing were pushed out of my head.
i really don't know if you struck during the night. my dogs bark at everything, so a stranger in the yard stealing my lawnmower gets the same reaction as a squirrel scurrying up a tree or an extra-loud car engine.
perhaps it's not the safest practice, but i usually respond to my dogs' barks with a "shut up!" and rarely take the time to investigate what the culprit is.
i don't remember if i saw the lawnmower as i rushed off to work this morning.
i do know that when i returned from work this evening, my lawnmower was nowhere to be seen.
now, you may say preventing this problem would be easy, had i just put my lawnmower back in the garage.
and yes, it would be easy if i didn't have a series of obstacles that prevent me from being able to enter my garage easily.
i was so proud of myself earlier this month when i "outsmarted" my brain-damaged dog so that he couldn't escape through the gate anymore.
seven months, lawnmower thief... it took me seven months to prevent my literally retarded dog from getting through the gate... and the only remedy i could muster also prevents me from getting through the gate.
this normally isn't a problem, as normally i'm not dragging that god-forsaken lawnmower with me. but that gate leads to the side door of the garage.
and the garage door? well, that was motorized. WAS motorized. sometime in the middle of winter, it stopped working and is now eternally stuck about eight inches from closed.
and little did i know that a motorized garage door cannot be easily turned manual.
that, along with my toilet tank's flapper, and the light in my basement, have been put on the backburner for more important home improvement projects.
my lawnmower is taller than eight inches, and thus i can't fit it through.
so, lawnmower thief, to get my mower back into the garage, i have to drag it up my front stoop, push it through my living room [thank god for hardwood floors], barely squeeze it past my kitchen table, manuever it around my refrigerator, get it out on my deck, and drag it down my deck stairs.
i was tired. i wanted a cocktail, a dip in my inflatable kiddie pool, and a good book. so i put off the process of returning the lawnmower to its rightful place.
admittedly, it is my fault my lawnmower was stolen. but christ, how desperate were you for a lawnmower? didn't you realize as you dragged it away that one of its wheels had fallen off? there wasn't even gas in the goddamned thing.
i would like my lawnmower back, lawnmower thief. i am but a poor dog groomer, and i can't afford a new one. i know that is not going to happen, but even a lawnmower ransom note would be appreciated.
sincerely,
your latest victim
- Location: crystal
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests